Some Facts About David Newhan...

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for David Newhan.

David Newhan doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures David Newhan has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with David Newhan.

David Newhan does not sleep. He waits.

David Newhan is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

David Newhan is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

David Newhan counted to infinity - twice.

David Newhan does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

David Newhan is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

David Newhan’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

There is no such thing as global warming. David Newhan was cold, so he turned the sun up.

David Newhan can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

David Newhan doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

CDavid Newhan gave Mona Lisa that smile.

David Newhan can slam a revolving door.

David Newhan does not get frostbite. David Newhan bites frost

Remember the Taliban? They decided to quit after watching an Orioles game with David Newhan starting on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Newhantatorship.

Comments

[Gospel of Newhan]

I once met David Newhan. It was unable to look directly at him because his talent and beauty was so overwhelming it would have killed me.